What do you do when you forget your book on the bus ride home?

I text...

Actually, I love texting. I don't do text speak though. I like to spell everything out in full and even insert apostrophes.
Last night I thought I'd attempt to engage Alf in conversation. He is the youngest and quietest of my three kids and normally communicates using a combination of shrugs, sighs and eye rolls. The conversation below made me chuckle because I was imagining his face everytime he received a text.

me:  Hi Alf :)

alf:  Hi

me: Are you at home? I'm on the bus.

(No answer)

me: Not just the normal bus though. If I hadn't seen the driver when I got on I'd swear Sandra Bullock was behind the wheel... we are doing about 90!

alf:  Who?

me:  Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves girlfriend in the film Speed. Honestly, we are zooming!

(No answer)

me: Seriously Alf, the driver is a maniac. I am trying to find a lipstick so I can write HELP! backwards on the window.

(No answer)

me: Do you think it would work in Vaseline?

alf: Stp txtng me.

me: OMG.... we have just passed a cop car in the fast lane!

alf: dnt say OMG ur 2 old.

me:  Alf, are you watching TV? There's a helicopter circling overhead and he may be filming. Quick, see if you can see my lip salve sign on the news.

alf: ur not funy. STP TXTNG ME

me:  I'm not being funny... I've just noticed the driver's wearing racing goggles and a long silk scarf... that's not a good sign is it?

alf:  brng hme mcdnlds

me: Heartless Alf, heartless. I'm in the crash position and you're thinking about junk food?!

alf: bgr kng

me: It's alright darling, you can stop panicking... the bus is slowing down.

(No answer)

me: Oh thank goodness, we've just pulled into the bus station and he's going to open the doors.

(No answer)

me: Don't worry darling, mummy's fine and I'll be home soon :)

alf: kfc

If anyone out there would also like a flurry of really irritating texts between 5 and 6pm Auckland time, please feel free to send me your number on a postcard. Everyone else I know seems to turn their phones off round about then?!


  1. Does alf realise how bloody funny you are? Hilarious. I have a very short bus ride and can barely tap out one reply before I am at my destination. I am to interested in the others on the bus, constructing jobs and lives for them in my mind...

  2. Brilliant! I wish I was there to receive your texts, they would be the highlight of my day, you have such a great imagination...but of course, it was all true! ;-)

  3. Hi Jus, so funny!! Love the "stop texting me" ... I use punctuation too and hate bad grammar and spelling even via text! What is it about sons and their stomachs? Mine open the fridge door, gaze in for about 10 seconds then shut it with a sigh. Then repeat about 5 mins later as if something wonderful has appeared by magic! Have a fun-filled weekend, Claire xxx

  4. Oh Jus you are hilarious! Just stop texting me mum. I hope you made him eat his greens for the u r 2 old comment. With added fibre.
    Have a great weekend. x

  5. Hilarious!

    I'd say you could text me, but that's 5 in the morning UK time so maybe not!

    (Just catching up here, can you tell ;) )

  6. So funny, I text in full too but can't do it on a bus or moving in general as it makes me feel quite sick.

  7. So funny but oh so familiar!